I’m not sure how many religious readers I have on here. I’m also not sure if you could tell or not, but I am pretty religious and spiritual myself. My life has been an interesting one. I’ve been fortunate enough to have a lot of life experiences that not many people have had the opportunity to. With that being said, I have tried to live my life the best way I can. Spreading kindness, joy, happiness, and giving where and when I am able.

**When I was born, my eyes didn’t always work. It sounds weird, but it’s true. Sometimes I was able to see, other times I was not. I am also highly autistic, but “high functioning” (We’ll get into that in another article, and why I don’t like that phrase)

The Fight to End Racism

When I was a small child, racism was still a very big deal. It still is, unfortunately, but it was even more so a big deal in the 90’s. That was and is one thing I never ever understood, and never will. We are human beings, regardless of color, race, religion, abilities, disabilities, and everything in between. Growing up in Chicago, I’m sure you can imagine the amount of different cultures, races and religions that exist there.

One of my earliest memories was when I was in kindergarten, and after school, I heard a voice that was one of my friend’s. I ran up to her, and gave her a huge hug. She was/is “black”. It just so happened that my eyes weren’t working that day.

When I ran up to her and gave her a hug, everyone was in SHOCK! Some of the reactions I got were, like “Oh my gosh, does she know she just touched a “black” person?” Other reactions I got were “How did she know where she was?” The answer was YES I know what I did, and I knew where she was because I followed her voice. I knew that racism was an issue, at that time, and still is. I didn’t care. She was my friend, and I wanted to show my friend that I cared, and I wanted to show her and the adults that it didn’t matter what our skin colors were. We are both and all still human beings. She was so welcoming to my hug, and it warmed my heart. We both had the biggest smiles on our faces. (I couldn’t see, but I felt it!)

After I gave her a hug, EVERYBODY started talking. All of the adults. It got them thinking. Do you know what that did? By getting the adults to talk, that subconsciously gave the kids permission to talk to each other – regardless of color of their skin.  New friendships were made that day! (I still have the phone number of the girl I hugged that day.) It showed people kindness, compassion, caring, and love. Once all of the adults started talking, I walked away quickly with my mom. I remember asking her “Are they talking?” She said “Yes, baby. Oh, they’re talking.”

I’ve always been on a mission to change the world for the better. Although I had done something absolutely beautiful and wonderful, some of my family members weren’t as thankful for that. I got into SO MUCH TROUBLE! Arse beaten, trouble! Not by my mom, to be clear – she helped me, and supported me. It just so happened that other people weren’t as receptive to change. A lot of people wanted things and the world to stay the way it was.

At that time, my Mom and biological Dad were still together. He wasn’t receptive to what I was trying to do. What I was trying to do was create equality. (Deep for a kindergartener, I know, but it’s true – mostly because I really didn’t understand why I wasn’t supposed to be friends or kind to certain people) I was also trying to show people that individuality was important, and that kids needed to be themselves. At that time, adults were trying to “conform” their kids into their own beliefs. Those beliefs included racism, lack of individuality, non creative ways of thinking, art-less, dull, gray suits, and women were to be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen.

Unfortunately, I know it still happens, but the fact that we can talk about it, supports positive change. Also, I’d like to point out, that by saying these things, I am not in any way judging anyone if that is how they choose to live. (These are opinions and beliefs of my own, based on my own experiences. ) Also, I want to note that these beliefs of mine aren’t the same as family members and friends sharing beliefs. It’s different if it’s forced.

Individuality

During class assignments, we were all told to color with the same color crayon, in the same lines, to sit down, and do what we were told. There was no individuality, or creativity. Kids weren’t allowed to be themselves, and to be the creative beings that they are born to be. I was (and still am) ambidextrous. Meaning I use both of my hands for everyday normal things, where most people predominantly use one hand over the other. (Primarily left handed, now – and I got into trouble for that, too!) One day I did things a bit differently than the rest of the class, and the result was beautiful, because it was unlike any other student’s work. When I was asked how I did it, or how I envisioned it, I told the teachers that colors were the source of my imagination. Collectively, the teachers decided that they needed more crayons. For the whole class, because more kids decided that they wanted to create in their own way.

Art is not a new concept to this world. Conformity, on the other hand, has been taught in this country, and others for centuries.

Back then, I heard the phrase a lot that “kids were to be seen, but not heard”. Another concept I never understood. Kids are joyous blessings, and the future of the world. Imagine a world where there isn’t any originality in personalities, art, business, or religion. If the kids of today (in any era) don’t learn to think for themselves, then how do we expect to evolve, and grow as a species? Of course times have changed a lot, and we are all more receptive to kids’ creativity, which has led our world to many innovations. I’ve always thought that it was important to encourage others to be themselves, and be true to themselves.

Spreading Kindness

Another thing I feel very strongly about, is spreading kindness and being kind to others. It’s one of those life rules that I try to uphold as best I can. I wrote a little bit about it in the post What Happened to Humanity. We all have our days, though, right? Sometimes it’s not easy to be kind, especially when others can be so cruel. We all get an attitude from time to time, and I am definitely no exception to that. When those days happen, I do my best to keep my attitude in check, or apologize as soon as I can if I slip. I try to be the best version of myself, for myself, but also for my son. It’s important to me that he has a good role model, and someone that he could look up to.

Finding My Peace

Why am I sharing all of this? Last summer, at the beginning of August, the family and I went to our summer cabin in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, right on Lake Superior, tucked deep into the woods. This cabin has been in my family since the 20’s, and it’s one of my favorite places to visit. To get to the beach, all we have to do is walk out our front door, and go down to the water. We do all sorts of fun activities while we’re there, such as swimming, canoeing, cliff diving, hiking (we climbed two mountains while we were there last year!) The views are absolutely breathtaking. It’s my peaceful place.

On August 3, 2023 I got up really early and wanted to go for a morning swim by myself. I have always felt called to the water, so while we’re there, if nobody knows where I am, the likely answer is that I’m on the beach or in the water. That morning, it was incredibly beautiful, and the experience was even more beautiful. The sun was shining so bright, and right in front of me. To the west, or to my left, the sky was crystal clear. To the East, to my right were very dark rain clouds. Suddenly there was a very loud thunder, and it started to rain, very lightly. When the rain fell to the smooth glass like surface of the lake that morning, it sounded like one of those rice sticks. I was in so much awe! I didn’t get out of the water, I decided to stay and enjoy the beautiful sight. It was so inspiring that I actually raised my hands, and looked straight up to the sky. It rained pretty hard for just a little bit. Long enough that I got out of the water, and went inside for breakfast. By the time we were done with breakfast the rain had stopped, and we all collectively decided to go for a swim.

If you’re a religious person, you’ll know that this means I have found my peace, and that it was a moment of recognition. I was given this big beautiful gift, and I have been struggling because I don’t know what to do with it. So, I decided to write about it, which is why I’m sharing this with you. For none to bear witness, but all to hear. I understand that this post is pretty different from the things that I typically write about. I think part of the reason I haven’t written in so long is because life has been busy and changing, but also because I didn’t quite know how to word this article.

Speaking of life being busy and changing – so many things are changing in my life right now. Chris and I are no longer together, due to some differences. Not to worry, it was a pretty amicable break up. Many of you know that my son graduated high school last year. The trip to Michigan was also in part a graduation gift for him. He has recently joined the military, and leaves shortly after his 19th birthday. I was also laid off in October of last year from the Ecommerce agency I was working for, and I have been struggling to find another comparable position. So nearly every aspect of my life is changing. It is very nerve wracking with all of these changes, but I am doing my best to push through all of this. I’m trying to look at it as an opportunity. New Beginnings! I just have to figure out what I want to do. I’ve had some ideas, but we’ll see where this new part of life takes me! I am working on my Ecommerce site, so I can get the word out about the Helinas Healing Skincare, and I’m hopeful that will also work out.

I know these last couple months have been extremely difficult for me, but I can’t be the only one. How do you handle things when literally everything is changing? I’d love to hear your thoughts on the subject, or if anyone has any ideas or suggestions on what I can do with this beautiful gift of mine, please share!